a cloudy heart.

we just spent a week a week at the beach.

the weather was perfect.

the kids were so well behaved.

and then

we had to come home.

why is it that is had to give me such a heavy heart?

 summer is ending.

ada finds out who her first grade teacher will be on wednesday.

i hope first grade is a tad bit better than kindergarten.

 my house is still. under. construction.

and it is getting very

very 

expensive.

i really just want them to gather their things

and leave.

they can leave the keys under the mat.

i want to enjoy my last days of summer alone with my children.

playing in our house.

without saws, and dust, and nail guns, and paint fumes.

i am beginning to wonder what we have done.

  

our bucket list is pretty much done.

playing beauty salon included cucumber facials

which ended up everywhere.

i am pretty sure the leather couch did not need a facial.

the olympics were very inspiring.

they also made me feel very out of shape.

as in v-e-r-y.

i hear when all your children are in school

first, you cry

then, you start working out.

it gives me hope

but also makes me never want that day to come 

(not because i want to go to the gym, but because i think i will cry ALOT.)

the beach was wonderful.

we all loved spending time with reza's family.

it does not come naturally for me to do nothing.

it is actually quite hard.

but by about day 5, i got the hang of it.

(kind of)

 and there isn't a single bone in my body that wants to be back.

in my manufactured subdivision.

in my teensy, tiny yard.

but i am.

i like the wide open spaces.

and sand 

and view.

the ocean waves reminded hanna of her noise machine

and every time we went for a walk

she would curl up in my arms and think it was nap time.

but she loved to play in the water.

almost as much as her big brother and big sister.

it was perfect.

elias even caught three fish.

he was so proud.

and he kept some pet clams the entire week.

we let them go last night

and he cried.

and cried.

let's hope these last days of summer prove to be as happy as the rest.

and while my heart feels cloudy

i know the sun will always shine through.