this may just be a bunch of catch up
or maybe a lot of unpleasantries.
or maybe it is just a pep talk for myself.
i forewarned you.
i am not always a sunny person,
but at least i have never pretended to be.
when i was pregnant (for the fourth time)
loads of mothers would tell me that the four kiddos are easier than three.
lower expectation.
more "built-in-friends"
more relaxed kids.
you name it, they said it.
but, when i look back at all of those talkers,
none of them had more than three kids.
what did they really know?
and more so, why did i believe them?
four is a lot.
hell, a baby (my baby) is a lot.
none of my kids can even supply themselves with their own ice water.
they need their butt's wiped after they poop
(which, for the record, is ALWAYS when i am nursing solly while eating my own dinner.)
they argue and get jealous.
and of course they love each other
and love me,
but they are a lot.
each and every one of them.
i usually eat breakfast, lunch and dinner alone with them.
i pack their lunches.
i walk them all to school and walk to get them each day.
i tidy their rooms,
wash their clothes and dishes,
i even shower with them, all of them, at once.
(but only because it is more efficient.)
i have lunch once a week with ada
(our "alone" time- with solly)
they play soccer,
broadway bound,
do swim team.
sometimes tennis.
i read, write, draw, paint, pretend, play, sing, dance...
they are so loved and adored by me.
but it is exhausting.
i know time will change everything.
my high needs baby will become a boy.
he will walk and talk and communicate with more
than just tears.
elias will start kindergarden and i will miss his telling eyes
and constant stories.
i promise i will have lunch "alone" with him too.
his giant heart loves the attention.
hanna will one day eat real food
instead of whining and starving for sugar each and every minute
nor will she want to be carried in my right arm
while i carry saul in my left.
and ada, my first, will learn to let more people into her life.
she will learn to love school and others
as i did.
one day i will be alone for a few hours each day.
i will exercise.
oh, how i miss exercising.
i mean, other than the 10 minute exercise video on my phone that i do while all four children
stare at me.
i always wonder what they are thinking!
i will read books,
make friends
and have coffee with them.
reza and i will make more time for each other
and have hobbies that we love.
you see,
all i really needed was a pep talk.
i can do this, right?
yes.
i can.
but that doesn't mean it is easy.
and now…
pictures of all these amazing beings that i am responsible for.
